my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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