made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
