my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
