cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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