no, he came in my armpit
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
