Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
