Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
