Soap is not a condiment
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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