If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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