Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
