oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
false alarm. still invincible.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
