Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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