Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
