I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
