life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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