Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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