Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
