I think my vagina is haunted
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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