And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
