I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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