Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
