Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
