I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
