ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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