We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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