but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
