hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
