Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
