walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
