all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
