So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
