How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
