he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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