if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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