I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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