I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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