I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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