She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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