I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
