Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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