Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
