He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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