you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
