She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
