I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
