it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
