I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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