life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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