The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
