took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
