You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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