he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
