omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
