never play flip cup with pint glasses
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
