For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
