an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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