If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
