I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
