I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
