she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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