Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
