what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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