You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
only you would photoshop your dick
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
