Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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