i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
