he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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