No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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