He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
