Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
