Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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