Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
