Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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