Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
operation have a gay friend backfired
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
