I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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