No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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