do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
