you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
