You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
