just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
