Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
