I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
