Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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