first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
