She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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